He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
