im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
