he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
