woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
