just tell him i said nine months
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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