dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I supernannyed him into submission
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
