Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
