areolas are like halos for boobs.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
