Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Your penis caused this!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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