my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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