something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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