I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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