Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
