That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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