I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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