Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
