omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
