She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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