I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You took a bar mat shot.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
