do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
