she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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