I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
