yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
