I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
