just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
