I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
