like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
