i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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