You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
