well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
