this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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