no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
