I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
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WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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