the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have tasted many bathrooms
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
