i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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