Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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