Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
