I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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