You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
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