grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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