The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
