the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
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thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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