I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
