Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
