And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
