Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
