Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
