Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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