Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
