he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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