I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
