Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
