FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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