I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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