we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
