why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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