R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
