Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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