Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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