I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
