just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
