Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
