Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
