There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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