I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
