my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
wow bdsm is so cute
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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