so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
