Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
