party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
