I wish I could teleport
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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