Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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