Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
