The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
