I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
