I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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