WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
