She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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