There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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