I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
