He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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