Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i love accidental penises.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
