I need help removing her.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
