Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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