I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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